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NEW YORK - In an announcement given to friends who still give a shit about him talking about his ex-girlfriend, Vinnie Tamorelli, 39, explained in detail how could handily defeat Marion Barno, 32, the man now dating Tamorelli's ex, in a street fight.
"I could kick the shit out of him easy," Tamorelli said, finishing off another goddamned PBR. "He wouldn't even... it seriously wouldn't even be close. Wouldn't even land a shot. It would be ugly. I'd probably end up in jail for it, it would be so bad. Fuckin' loser." 
Barno initially met Tamorelli's ex, Jennifer Northill, 31, of Brooklyn, while shopping at a local outdoor farmers' market. Northill had dumped Tamorelli's no-good ass five months prior to that because she was tired of "all the fucking video games!" Barno and Tamorelli subsequently met for coffee and breakfast the following morning. From there, they really hit it off.
Tamorelli only recently learned of the relati…

IRVINE, CA - Anonymous sources were able to confirm reports from late last night that Jonathan Brown, 21, a waiter at Red Robin, did in fact tell his final customers of the evening that there was "no rush with this." Furthermore, he went on to make it clear to his customers that they should "take their time."
The restaurant was nearly empty with minutes left before the kitchen closed when Brown dropped the check off to Melanie Ellard, 32, and Jared Pincap, 36, both visiting from the greater Phoenix area on business. The couple explained that they were still picking away at their second order of fries. The pair was seen by witnesses as still sipping their beers as well.
Approximately seven minutes later, Brown returned and picked up the bill and started to walk back towards the kitchen. At that point, Pincap told Brown that he hadn't put his card in yet and hastily handed his American Express to Brown, who apologized and again explained "there's no rush.&…

LOS ANGELES - John Mayward, currently starring as befuddled cab driver Desmond Littlemen in The Samson Players' Playhouse production of "Which Way is Up?!!", was overheard saying that tonight's audience was a bit of a let-down.
"I wasn't feeling their energy," he explained at some point to every other cast member backstage. "You can only do so much, but it's like if they won't respond to my bits, then it's like why are they even coming to the show? They have a role in this too. I need something to work with. "
Mayward was quick to point out several possibilities for the lack of a general response from the audience: It was a Friday and maybe they took their work home with them; the theater was too warm; they aren't use to British sensibilities; or maybe one of the other actors in the show screwed up. 
The high point of the show for Mayward's character, who in haste to get home to his pregnant wife gets his fares mixed up, is wh…

LOS ANGELES - November 14. David Jordan, 31, turned on his computer and immediately checked his Facebook page to get an update on his friends' activities from the night previous. That's when he first noticed something wasn't right. The most recent activity on his feed was from six hours ago: some jerk from high school complaining that last night's episode of Sons of Anarchy left him frustrated. 
"Usually there's at least one drunk picture from somebody," David said, "or a 'I can't sleep' or one of those 'big day tomorrow' posts with no added details on the big day. But no, there's was nothing. Something was wrong."
It didn't take long for David to discover what the problem was
Two hundred and twenty-eight. That was the number of friends David had before he went to bed on November 13. The following morning, the number had shrunk to 204. In the course of eight hours, David Jordan lost over ten percent of his Facebook frien…

I suppose this applies to poetry as well. It struck me that a writer is doing their audience a favor by simply observing human behavior versus being an expert on it.

That's what we relate to, the observation of what's happening, not the single-minded editorial on it. Just document what's going on for the characters with honesty. If you do it correctly, your readers will get what you're trying to say. They'll be reading your mind and they won't even know it.

That will be $300, please.