Man Announces He Can "Totally Take Ex's New Boyfriend"

NEW YORK - In an announcement given to friends who still give a shit about him talking about his ex-girlfriend, Vinnie Tamorelli, 39, explained in detail how could handily defeat Marion Barno, 32, the man now dating Tamorelli's ex, in a street fight.

"I could kick the shit out of him easy," Tamorelli said, finishing off another goddamned PBR. "He wouldn't even... it seriously wouldn't even be close. Wouldn't even land a shot. It would be ugly. I'd probably end up in jail for it, it would be so bad. Fuckin' loser." 

Barno initially met Tamorelli's ex, Jennifer Northill, 31, of Brooklyn, while shopping at a local outdoor farmers' market. Northill had dumped Tamorelli's no-good ass five months prior to that because she was tired of "all the fucking video games!" Barno and Tamorelli subsequently met for coffee and breakfast the following morning. From there, they really hit it off.

Tamorelli only recently learned of the relationship after seeing pictures online of the happy couple kissing while on vacation in Las Vegas.

"I told him he didn't want to see them," said Eddie Bunker, Tamorelli's asshole friend from high school, 38, "but he knows I'm still friends with her on Facebook, so I showed him."

"He's a skinny little bitch," Tamorelli continued. "I used to be all skinny like that when I first started dating her, but then you know, life happens, you got all blown up. Takes her to Vegas... with his fucking combed hair like that. I already did that bro! Stayed at Circus, Circus for a week... One punch is all it would take. This right hand, right here. Fucking POW! I wouldn't though. What a pretty boy. Wouldn't be fair to her. Not her fault she's dating some little bitch."

When pressed for a comment for this story, Barno responded: "Really? Oh. Honestly, I don't think about him at all. What a sad man."   

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